


Knight

by anotherbuskitten



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Unreliable Narrator, Vague AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 15:24:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3773293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherbuskitten/pseuds/anotherbuskitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius knows exactly where he stands in this world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knight

Sirius sat at his mother’s feet and learned how to talk.

At his father’s feet and learned how to do.

At his grandfather’s feet and learned how to feel.

Under his great-grandfather’s portrait and tried to learn how to love.

Sirius never understood love.

When his brother was born he understood why they had taught him rather than throw him into the world and watch him learn by living. He understood the urge to protect.

He still didn’t understand love. He doesn’t think his great-grandfather did either.

Sirius stood opposite his uncle, aunt and cousins and appraised them. He stood in front of his brother, to the left, poised for an attack.

This was protection. This was knighting himself before anyone could do it for him. He has chosen the same path that he would have been given and that will make all the difference.

-

Sirius sits under a hat and thinks of nothing. He understands the hat will know who he is but he does not trust a stranger to have brains so he thinks of blankness and hopes he will be allowed to go where he belongs.

He belongs at his brother’s side. He will accept no substitute.

-

Sirius doesn’t mind the red uniform that he never wears – he finds it funny most days; the way the ‘heroes’ have to walk around stained in blood – but he still won’t wear it.

He is in detention for the whole of the first term until he goes home and stands by his brother’s side as he is supposed to. The family colours are red and white. He finds that funny too.

Regulus smiles when he sees him on the platform.

-

When school starts again he is called to the headmaster’s office and politely asked if he has come to terms with his house placement.

He considers the words carefully and decides that for this game, the truth will work the best.

“’Your house will be like your family’.” He quotes, unsmilingly, “My brother has never worn red and never will.” The blood hits the knight not the king.

This time he smiles – his sharpest smile – the one learned from his great-grandfather when he explained love.

-

The dormitory he and three other boys are assigned to is round. Sirius does not like circles.

Sirius does not like anything that pretends equality.

The other boys are not knights so they cannot be equal.

There is a jester, a messenger, and a hunting hawk. He ignores them.

-

The jester tries to speak to him sometimes. Sirius doesn’t remember his name yet – he thinks he will if the jester earns a promotion.

The messenger is scared of him.

The hawk doesn’t notice him.

(If he was prone to caring he would notice that the hawk does not know how to hunt which is a precarious position for a hunter.)

 -

He thinks he might like the castle. He is meant to be in one after all.

He is supposed to be in a different castle though so he uses this one as practice.

Knights are to castles what students are to a school. Unnoticed, a part of the scenery, a sign that things are as they are supposed to be.

-

Sirius thinks sometimes, that there is something not quite right about him.

-

Summer is tiring but he is where he belongs so it is ok.

Father takes him away sometimes and explains about family. He doesn’t understand the words because father is not about words.

Mother looks at him and leaves the room but it does not matter because mother is not about actions.

Grandfather is dead. Great-grandfather smiles a little and says –

Sirius does not hear what he says because Regulus is nearby. He waves to great-grandfather as he walks away.

-

He misses the welcoming feast at the start of September. He goes to the dormitory instead and watches the rainfall.

If he strains he can hear the cheering in the hall.

In a few minutes there will be a lightning break. He wonders if it will coincide with someone getting their colours.

-

The first class is trying. He is put next to the hawk and in the front row. The hawk’s face does something strange when the pairs are announced but he sits down anyway.

Sirius wonders why he doesn’t fight it if he doesn’t like it.

He considers explaining that there is no obligation but decides against it. He is on a good streak of not speaking.

They get detention because they did not work as a team and he says – because knights are not supposed to lie unless it is for their king – that he is the one who refused to speak.

The hawk looks confused and asks why it matters whether or not they worked together when they are one of the few pairs who did the assignment.

They both get detention.

Sirius thinks that maybe he will show the hawk how to hunt.

-

The hawk’s name is Remus.

The detention is more bearable with two. Hawk – Remus – asks him about the uniform. He is the only one apart from the headmaster to do so. It has been a year and a bit, he still finds that funny.

He tells Remus that he will wear red when he has earned it because Remus likes the red and probably won’t ask for clarification.

He doesn’t. Sirius is glad.

-

Remus invites him to eat with him and the jester and messenger the next day. Sirius accepts but doesn’t eat anything.

He dislikes eating.

The jester says something that he doesn’t hear.

He wonders again if there is something wrong with him.

-

When Sirius is thirteen he rides in the train with his brother and does not sit down until they are at the castle.

Regulus grins at him like a child and says that he doesn’t think he’ll be wearing red but does Sirius want to eat with him anyway.

Sirius nods. He hadn’t realised that it was in question.

-

He has detention again, this time for not sitting at the right table. The headmaster watches him write out ‘I am in Gryffindor’ one hundred times and asks him if he is happy.

Sirius asks for a quantifier.

The headmaster says – something and Sirius pretends to have heard.

-

When Sirius is fifteen and Regulus is thirteen they make a mistake.

Sirius wears the red robes afterwards even though it means Remus will understand what he didn’t say when they were in detention.

Regulus pulls him aside during lunch and tells him that he must leave the family or he will die.

Sirius nods. He will be of no use dead.

Regulus hugs him even though neither of them understands the gesture and says that he wants Sirius to guard the people they hurt instead of him from now on.

-

Sirius sits next to James at dinner and refuses to move away. Remus bites his lip and almost growls but just pushes food in front of him.

Sirius eats.

-

Peter says –

James says –

Remus says –

Remus says, “Why Hawk?”

Sirius tells the truth. He is theirs now, after all.

-


End file.
